A: We’re organizing a baseball team here at the retired actors home and I am the manager. Now…

C: You’re going to be the manager of the retired actors baseball team?

A: Yes.

C: I would like to join the retired actors baseball team.

A: Oh, you would?

C: And I would like to know some of the guys names on the team so if I wanna play with ‘em I know ‘em, and I meet ‘em on the street or in the home here I can say hello to them.

A: Oh sure, but you know baseball players these days have a lot of peculiar names.

C: I know, a lot of funny names.

A: You know, like Sticky Fields.

C: Sticky Fields.

A: Goofy Dan.

C: Booby Bobber

A: Booby Bobber.

C: I know all those names.

A: Well let’s see now, we have on our team, we have who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know is on third-

C: That’s what I want to find out, the guys names.

A: Huh?

C: That’s what I want to find out, the guys names.

A: I’m telling you, who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know’s on third.

C: Now Abbot, you gonna be the manager of the baseball team?

A: Yes.

C: You know the guys names?

A: Well, I should.

C: Well then you tell me the guys names on the baseball team.

A: I say, who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know’s on third.

C: You ain’t said nothing to me yet, go ahead and tell me.

A: I’m telling ‘em, look-

C: You ain’t said nothing to me yet, go ahead and tell me.

A: Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know is on third. How-

C: You know the guys names on the baseball team?

A: Yes.

C: Well, go ahead. Who’s on first?

A: Yes.

C: I mean the guys name.

A: Who.

C: The guy playing first.

A: Who.

C: The guy playing first base.

A: Who.

C: The guy on first base!

A: Who is on first.

C: What are you asking me for? I don’t know!

A: Wait a minute, I’m not talking-

C: I’m asking you, who’s on first?

A: That’s his name.

C: Well go ahead and tell me.

A: Who.

C: The guy on first.

A: That’s it. (pause) That’s his name.

C: Well you ain’t said nothing, I ain’t asked you nothing!

A: You did.

C: You know the guys name on first base?

A: Sure.

C: Then tell me the guys name of first base.

A: Who.

C: The guy playing first base!

A: Who is on first, Lou.

C: What are you asking me for?!

A: Now don’t get excited, I’m saying who-

C: I’m asking you a simple question. Who’s on first?

A: Yes.

C: Well go ahead and tell me.

A: That’s it.

C: That’s who?

A: Yeah.

C: I’m asking you what’s the guys name of first base?

A: Oh no! What’s on second.

C: I’m not asking you who’s on second.

A: Who’s on first.

C: One base at a time!

A: Don’t mix up my players.

C: I’m not mixing up anybody! Now what’s the guys name on first base?

A: No, what’s on second.

C: I’m not asking you who’s on second.

A: Who’s on first.

C: I don’t know.

A: He’s on third, we’re not talking about him.

C: Wait a minute! Whoa!

A: Now, well let’s not get…

C: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! How could I, how could I get on third base?

A: You mentioned his name.

C: I mentioned his name?

A: Yes.

C: I don’t know anybody on the team! I asked…how could I mention the guys name?

A: You did. You just mentioned it.

C: Alright. What’s the guys name on third base?

A: No, what’s on second.

C: Who’s on second?

A: Who’s on first.

C: I don’t know.

A: He’s on third.

C: (&^#$)!*(&$…I didn’t even mention the guys name on third!!!

A: Yes, you did, Lou.

C: Alright then, who’s playing third base?

A: No, who’s on first.

C: I’m not asking you what’s on first.

A: What’s on second.

C: Who’s on second?

A: Who’s on first.

C: I don’t know.

B: He’s third base, third base, third base

C: I don’t know anybody on the baseball team!

A: You do, you mention their names.

C: I do?

A: Sure.

C: You got an outfield?

A: Well…Naturally.

C: The left fielders name.

A: Why. (pause) That’s his name.

C: I just thought I’d ask ya, I just thought I’d ask ya.

A: Well, I just thought I’d tell ya.

C: Well go ahead…tell me.

A: Tell you what?

C: The left fielders name.

A: Why.

C: Because I wanna know! Because!

A: Aw, he’s centerfield, you know these players as well as I-

C: Who’s in centerfield?

A: No, who’s on first.

C: What’s on first?

A: What’s on second.

C: I don’t know.

B: Third base!

C: Do you know the guys names on the team?

A: Look Louie, you don’t seem to understand. See, I have a first baseman.

C: You got…I know you got a first…

A: He get his…

C: I ask you what’s…

A: …paycheck every month…

C: …what’s the first. I ask you, what’s the first baseman’s name?

A: No, what’s the second baseman’s name.

C: I…I’m gonna stop asking you soon. I ask you what’s the fist baseman’s name?

A: What’s the second baseman’s name.

C: I don’t even get past the first…Alright! Who’s on second?

A: Who’s on first.

C: What base do you wanna talk about?!

A: We’ll talk about any one you want to talk about.

C: Alright! Now, who’s on first?

A: Right.

C: Ok.

A: Now…

C: *%#(*#&$)(*@

A: Now…

C: Alright. You got a first baseman?

A: Yes.

C: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

A: Ever dollar of it. Every dollar of it.

C: Who gets it?

A: Yes. Why not Lou? He’s earned it.

C: Who did?

A: Yes.

C: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, you get a receipt from the guy?

A: Sure.

C: How does he sign his name?

A: Who.

C: The guy you give the money too.

A: Who.

C: The guy you give the money to.

A: Well, that’s how he signs it, Lou.

C: That’s how who signs it?

A: Yes.

C: Well, go ahead and tell me.

A: That’s it.

C: Who?

A: Who. Right.

C: Look, you go to the first baseman.

A: Yes.

C: And you say him. Here’s your money, sign the receipt. How does he sign his name?

A: Who.

C: The guy you give the money to.

A: That’s how he signs it.

C: That’s how who signs it?

A: Yes.

C: Sure. You gotta get a receipt from the guy, don’t ya?!?!?

A: I get one, Lou!

C: How does the guy on first base sign his name?

A: WHO!

C: The guy on first!

A: That’s how he signs it!

C: I’m asking you, when you give the guy the money, what’s the guys name that you give the money to?

A: Now wait a minute…now…what signs his own.

C: Who signs his own?

A: No, who signs his.

C: I mean, what’s the guys name on first you give the-

A: What is on second!

C: Who’s on second?

A: Who’s on first.

C: I don’t know.

B: Third base.

C: The left fielders name, the center fielder, I don’t know…you got a pitcher on the team?

A: Well, this would be a fine team without a pitcher.

C: It’s a fine team with…the pitcher’s name.

A: Tomorrow.

C: Ahhhhhh…you don’t want to tell me today?

A: I can’t change that name.

C: You don’t wanna tell me today?

A: I’m telling you.

C: Go ahead. Tell me the pitcher’s name.

A: Tomorrow.

C: Why not tell me today?!?!? I…

A: I am telling you!

C: Then tell me the pitcher’s name!

A: Tomorrow.

C: Alright. What time tomorrow will you tell me the pitcher’s name?

A: What time what?

C: What time tomorrow you gonna tell me who’s pitching?

A: Who is not pitching!

C: I’ll break your arm…I wanna know what’s the pitcher’s name?

A: What’s on second.

C: Who’s on second?

A: Who’s on first.

C: I don’t know.

B: Third base…third base…

C: You got a catcher?

A: Certainly you’ve got a catcher on a baseball team!

C: Catcher’s name.

A: Today.

C: Today. Tomorrow’s pitching, today’s catching.

A: Now you got it.

C: Now I got it? All I got is we got a couple of days on the team, that’s all!

A: I can’t help that Lou, I don’t make…

C: You know, Abbot, I’m a pretty good catcher myself.

A: So they tell me.

C: Yeah, now I get behind the plate and I’m gonna do some fancy catching, and tomorrow’s pitching on my team, right?

A: Yes.

C: Now tomorrow, he winds up the ball, an’ I’m behind the plate and a heavy hitter gets up.

A: Yes.

C: Now the heavy hitter gets up, and he’s ready to hit the ball, and Tomorrow is gonna throw the ball and I’m the catcher.

A: M-hm.

C: Now I’m gonna throw out…Tomorrow throws the ball, the guy up bunts the ball. Now when he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and I throw it to who?

A: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right.

C: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

A: Well, that’s all you have to do.

C: Is to throw the ball to first base.

A: Yes.

C: Now who’s got it!?

A: Naturally.

C: Sure. $(*#&$(*&@#…Look, the guy’s running to first base, Abbot!

A: Yes!

C: I wanna throw the guy out!

A: So?

C: So I throw the ball to who?

A: Naturally.

C: I throw it to who?

A: Naturally.

C: And who gets it?

A: Naturally.

C: Ah.

A: There, you got it.

C: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to naturally.

A: Ah nah! No! You throw the ball to the first baseman, who gets it.

C: Naturally.

A: That’s it. Now you’ve got it.

C: Hah. Same thing.

A: Right.

C: I pick up the ball, so I throw it to Naturally.

A: You don’t!

C: %*&$%)(….I throw it to who?

A: Naturally.

C: That’s what I’m saying!

A: You’re not saying that.

C: I said I throw the ball to who?

A: Naturally.

C: You ask me.

A: You throw the ball to who.

C: Naturally.

A: That’s it.

C: Same as you!

A: Say it that way.

C: I throw the ball to naturally.

A: You don’t, you throw the ball to who.

C: Now who’s got it?

B: Naturally.

C: That’s what I said.

A: Great.

C: Whoever it is better get it, that’s all I have to say.

A: He’ll get it. Don’t worry about who, who’ll get it, yes.

C: He’d better get it!

A: Alright.

C: Now I throw the ball to whoever it is drops the ball so the guy runs to second.

A: Rrrrr.

C: Who picks up the ball and throws to what, what throws to I don’t know, I don’t know throws it back to tomorrow. Triple play.

A: Could be.

C: Another guy gets up and it’s a long fly ball to because. Why? I don’t know. He’s on third, and I don’t give a darn!

A: What?

C: I said I don’t give a darn!

A: Oh, that’s our short stop.

C: &%)(*#_)(*%_)(*$%