Agent: Can I help you? Name please?

Jerry: Seinfeld. I made a reservation for a mid-size, and she’s a small. I’m
kidding around, of course.

Agent: Okay, let’s see here.

Jerry: Sixty-six years old?

Elaine: Yeah, well, he’s in perfect health. He works out, he’s vibrant. You’d
really like him.

Jerry: Why do people always say that? I hate everyone, why would I like him?

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Elaine: What do you think, would you go out with a sixty-six year old woman?

Jerry: Well, I’ll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant. So vibrant,
she’d be spinning.

Agent: I’m sorry, we have no mid-size available at the moment.

Jerry: I don’t understand, I made a reservation, do you have my reservation?

Agent: Yes, we do, unfortunately we ran out of cars.

Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That’s why you have the
reservation.

Agent: I know why we have reservations.

Jerry: I don’t think you do. If you did, I’d have a car. See, you know how to
take the reservation, you just don’t know how to *hold* the reservation and
that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody
can just take them.

Agent: Let me, uh, speak with my supervisor.

Jerry: Uh, here we go. The supervisor. You know what she’s saying over there?

Elaine: What?

Jerry: Hey Marge, you see those two people over there? They think I’m talking
to you, so you pretend like you’re talking to me, okay now you start talking.

Elaine: Oh, you mean like this? So it looks like I’m saying something but I’m
not really saying anything at all?

Jerry: Now you say something else and they won’t yell at me ‘cause they thought
I was checking with you.

Elaine: Okay, that’s it. I think that’s enough, see you later.

Agent: I’m sorry, my supervisor says there’s nothing we can do.

Jerry: Yeah, it looked as if you were in a real conversation over there.

Agent: But we do have a compact if you would like that.

Jerry: Fine.

Agent: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you
like insurance?

Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance, because I am gonna beat the hell
out of this car.

Agent: Please fill this out.

☆　☆　☆　☆　☆

Jerry: Hi, I called before, uh, my car got smashed.

Elaine: So listen, what should I do? I mean if I break up with him now it’ll look like I’m abandoning him because of his condition, I’ll be ostracized from the community.

Jerry: What community? There’s a community?

Elaine: Of course there’s a community.

Jerry: All these years I’m living in a community, I had no idea.

Agent: Sir the estimate on the damage to your car is two thousand eight hundred
and sixty-six dollars.

Jerry: Hmm, well, I got the insurance and everything so…

Agent: Yes, now, uh, in your report you said that you were not the driver of
the car at the time of the accident.

Jerry: That is right, somebody else was driving.

Agent: Alright, well, sir, you’re only covered for when you’re driving the car.

Jerry: Uh huh, what’s that?

Agent: You’re not covered for other drivers.

Jerry: Other drivers?

Agent: Um hm.

Jerry: Your whole business is based on other drivers. It’s a rented car. That’s who’s driving it, other drivers. Doesn’t my credit card cover me or something?

Agent: Not that particular one.

Jerry: Well I got a hundred cards, here, pick a card, take a card, any card you want, go ahead, whichever one, I don’t care.

Agent: Sir, if you had read the rental agreement–

Jerry: Did you see the size of that document? It’s like the Declaration of Independence, who’s gonna read that?

Agent: Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that.

Jerry: These pretzels are making me thirsty.